I woke up naked….

I was in my twenties. It was November and I remember it was snowing. That was when it snowed in winter. It sounds strange to hear this now …. as the sun seems to come up most especially in the winter months and throughout the year… with a little rain scattered here and there.

I was reminded of this story today at work. I found myself narrating this story to my colleague at work. We all had a very good laugh. I still find it hilarious.

It all happened one winter evening at home. Then I was still living with my mum (RIP – Love Celin Abakporo). Anyway my mum had an open parenting approach. Meaning that male and female friends were more than welcomed to visit and I was free to go out and visit friends including partying. I thank God my elder sister was not my mum. Goodness me she was strict. Anyway mum was mum and often indulged me in anyway she could, considering I was the official “mothers help” (house girl).

So on this faithful day I requested some coins from my mun to buy a can of beer called Tenants, she simply obliged. Actually she asked what it was. I briefly explained (as I was told) that it was a can of beer that my friend Florence had suggested I tried.

Mum knew of Florence, so perhaps she thought nothing of it. Mum was also a strong believer in charity begins at home. She always said that whatever we needed to do outside… we must first try it out at home first.

I bought the beer. I remember thinking I’ve never had beer before. I wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen to me. Thinking I was drinking water (novice alcohol drinker), I gulped the first half down. The beer did not come with instructions…. I remember thinking what next.

The next think I remembered …. I woke up in the living room… sitting on the couch with my beer next to me on the table. I then realised that I was yet to finish my drink and get to my bed upstairs.

Well I quickly downed what was remaining of the beer. And proceeded to go upstairs. I remembered crawling on all fours up stairs to my room and not being able to control this process. I needed to go to bed and I realised I couldn’t walk up the stairs for some funny reason. On all fours I crowled…. to bed I must go. Everyone was asleep at this time including my beer sponsor.

The next thing I heard was my baby brother running down the stairs (loud foot steps) saying ” mummy… mummy there is something wrong with Nene”.. the next thing I heard were plenty foot steps coming with speed up the steps. Finally everyone was in my room. I remembered my mum saying in my dialect ” Nene.. are you all right” (Nene orikwa nma).

It was November, snowing, both sash windows in my room were fully wide open, the curtain was aside. The room was freezing, I was lying on top of my bed and beddings spread eagle and completely stark naked.

I am here to tell the story..