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Swimming lesson anxiety 18.12.18

It’s official, I have swimming lesson  anxiety. Can you believe that. Me of all people, brave heart….. do or die…. let’s have a go person…. failure is not an option…. get over it… get on with it… oh please. I just can’t believe it…. moi

So I’ve missed a few lessons. I was really happy to actually miss the lessons I missed. Even when my son broke his foot  and I sat in the emergency department… doing absolutely nothing….  I was secretly glad that I did not have to go for my swimming lesson.

So my last lesson.. A few weeks ago… I was rooted to one spot in the pool. I could not move. Last week (13/12/18), the same thing happened. I was merely an observer In the lesson. Watching my fellow learners, learn how to swim. How ridiculous does that sound. I experienced a lot of emotions in the that point, shame…. embarrassment…. irritation… upset… annoyance. Inshort I made up my mind that I will cancel my direct debit and quit this malarkey.

I was simply afraid of drowning I guess…. I’m not sure… but i think surly, that must be the case. Needless to say that I am the only person now on this level in my class. The amateur learner level.  Aunty Jamaica has progressed to another level. She is not afraid to try things out and she follows the instructors, instructions… without a float. The mathematian is almost…. inshort… she is an expert swimmer. … I was envious…. another emotion to add.

 I’m not sure how I regressed to this level, because at one point I had floated without a float.  Now I’ve wrapped them all around me refusing to let go…… I could just cry right now. Because of my fear of water I made sure that my blessings learnt to swim.

Each week I remember exactly why I can’t swim. Each time I had a swimming lesson in school…. usually on a Wednesday afternoon, I would find myself not in the lesson, but in Selfridges on Oxford street. Spraying perfume and riding the escalator with my posse (don’t ask)…..  indeed I have memories of bending one or two rules…..

I do listen to the swimming instruction… but something prevents me from following the instruction through. I’m still at the phase of doubt. Not believing that I will not sink to the bottom of the pool…. drinking the water as I go down. What a bloody palava.

The last lesson for this year is this week Thursday 20/12/18. I promised that I will attend. No one believed me when I said it. I am not convinced myself that I will attend. I have been advised to get a pair of swimming Google’s. Perhaps this is the magic I need.

I was expecting by now I would be swimming like a fish. Fat bloody chance. I feel like a stone instead. The good thing is that I still have my vision of doing 10 or 20 laps in the pool before breakfast…. while at any of the numerous hotels I get to stay in..  anyway delay is not denial…. I shall stubbornly forge ahead…. swim I must learn by fire by force ….. so help me God.

© *Nene O-M*

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